The last few days have been hard. Thank you so much for those who have offered encouraging words!
I am not sure if I mentioned this before, but I am in recovery for substance abuse—almost 4 years sober. At my stage, most people see “using” as only a passing thought, and then they can shake it off like dust on their shoulder. When I get the thoughts though, it takes more than a brushing. It’s more like taking a rug out back and beating it to death with a tennis racket. It takes more time, and I have to be more thorough than the average addict.
For some reason, I have been having an overwhelming desire to go back out, not caring about the consequences. I have come extremely close in the last two weeks.
But I believe God has been protecting me. And I believe my anxiety and depression are so overwhelming sometimes, I feel like I have no other options than to numb them completely by using a substance to escape. I have to stop and tell myself over and over: Take it one day at a time. Just wake up and put one foot in front of the other, and somehow, things will work out. That applies to my depression and anxiety too.
No matter how hard it is, it always passes. I have to fight the good fight and keep on keepin’ on.
I have always loved this quote, and many of you are probably familiar with the first part. It’s like a breath of fresh air and helps keep me centered.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.
— Reinhold Niebuhr
Here’s to having a good day, living just in today.
For anyone who wants to learn a little more about addiction and what it looks like, check out this website: