The Apathy Spiral

Apathy_Pill_by_jqp5042
Source: guerillamedianetwork.com

Today I am not myself, not that I really even know what that looks like. I am not anxious or depressed per se. I just don’t care. About anything.

My job is extremely unfulfilling, my love life is bland and predictable, my friends are distant and absent — well you get the picture. If I didn’t have to get up and make a living, I would probably sleep all day. Because for some reason, I just don’t think life is worthwhile today. What is there to look forward to, really? I feel like all my main choices have been made, and now I am stuck.

I have been told that apathy typically comes along with anxiety and depression. And it usually means that you have resided yourself to the status quo and don’t feel like (or have the energy for) working to get yourself out of it. Yep, that pretty much covers it.

The problem with apathy is not only will I stay in the problem, but it tends to send me into a spiral of depression.

I start having thoughts like:
• No one likes me, so why should I make an effort to reach out? The result is always the same.
• Romance is not real; it’s just something you see in the movies. There is only lust and commitment. Now I am stuck with commitment where nothing is exciting anymore. There are just years and years of carefully avoiding each other or watching TV to pass the time.
• I am in a dead-end job. But I am not even that great at it — so who would hire me?
— and so on, and so on.

Right now, I am trying to stay positive and write a gratitude list. I have to remember no one is responsible for my happiness except me. So the only one who can do the work is me. When you have enough pain, you will change. I am not there yet, but I am on my way. I really hope I snap out of this soon or I will fall into another depression. I am my own worst enemy.

 

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5 thoughts on “The Apathy Spiral

  1. You sound depressed to me or the start of a spiral. Does it make sense to let yourself keep falling until you’ve felt enough pain. How is beating yourself up helping to turn your mood around? Take the thoughts you listed at the end of the post and turn to a positive. What can you do now or work towards. Put a game plan in place. If I’m left to wonder for to long, my mind will get dark. If the weather is nice, will walking a short distance help? Be good to yourself, I don’t mean ignore and push away what your feeling. Instead of working on the list now, maybe take a hot lavender bath and crawl up to a nice cup of tea. I was my toughest critic and would often beat myself up when I needed to look for the good in me, what good can I do for others. A gratitude list is great, better if your keep everyday so it reenforces the positive. I’m not sure today is a productive day for that. Be gentle on your self, even if it’s order pizza and screw the dishes. Tomorrow is a new day and could be much better or worse, work on gathering strength to prepare for what tomorrow brings. I’ll be thinking of you.

    • Thank you for your advice and your comment. I think I will relax today and start on a plan tomorrow. If I wander for too long, my mind definitely gets dark as well. Appreciate you!

      • Today is treat yourself extra special and think positive thoughts about you. It seems crazy at first but after lots of practice you start to see and believe the good. Have a great afternoon and let me know how you’re doing tomorrow. 🙂

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